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GOP Unveils New Health Care Bill


Republicans today unveiled a massive new health care plan. The bill containing over 10,000 pages all of them blank has been widely embraced by the Republican party. Speaker of the House Paul Ryan praised the cost savings the bill would bring by not allowing any entitlements, preventing people with pre-existing conditions from receiving insurance, denying over twenty million Americans health care, and generally fucking over anyone at or below the poverty line.  President Donald Trump tweeted "Finally a legal document in language I understand gud (sic) job guys". While the bill has been well received by most Republicans some feel the lack of language may leave the bill open to interpretation. "What about Death Panels?" House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy asked. "I am concerned that those Obama Death Panels will still be there after the repeal and replace". Realizing the futility of the situation Democrats have attached a rider to the bill that would allow California, Oregon, and Washington to secede from the United States, and make all Democratic congress and senate members residents of the newly seceded nation. Representative Nancy Pelosi has offered total Democratic support for the modified bill.